Thursday, February 02, 2006

Halfway Miss America

I was disturbed after watching this year's Miss America pageant. I mean, I'd just woken up, it was on Vh1, no Tivo, and none of the girls were even that cute. Average, at best. Now, I honestly can't remember the last time I watched a Miss America pageant, but I'm pretty sure it was while I was still in grade school.

The final three contestants all answered the same question at the end of the program. It asked about a formative childhood experience, and Alexa Jones of Alabama just blathered on about dance, not any one specific event that defined her as the woman she's supposed to be. Then the next girl, Jennifer Berry of Oklafuckoma, responded by talking about returning her pencil to someone in the sixth grade...and being put down by the teacher...but in the end...I don't know, she lost me. Then Miss Monica Pang of Georgia shared her heartfelt experience of growing up as an ASIAN AMERICAN WOMAN. But it doesn't stop there, she thanked her CHINESE FATHER AND WHITE MOTHER for all of their love and support. Guess who I wanted to win?? And guess who stood out the most from her fugly girl next door competitors?

Well, the drums were rolling, and the third runner up was about to be named. There is a camera on all three girls and Alexa Alabama looks over expectantly at Georgia Pang! Waiting for her to lose out! You should've seen the look on her face when they called out her name, I almost wet myself. And then...bum bum bum...Jennifer Whiteass Berry wins the crown. Now, I half hoped that the competition would get with the times, I mean, China is positioned to become the next world superpower and every thing Asian is so hip. But after seeing the girl who won last year, I immediately called Jennifer Berry as the winner, because she looked identical to her predecessor.

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